One of the most influential movies that I watched was one I expected the least to be.

Back then, I was studying for my Bachelor's degree in Law and Political Science in France, and I remember going to the movies to watch Yes Man with Jim Carrey.

I never really found him funny; I always thought he was overbearing in his expressions, which I thought was an overcompensation for something deeper. When I learnt that he had been suffering from chronic clinical depression, it made sense to me.

The reason why I wanted to see the movie was the concept behind it. When abroad, my father always wanted to take the family out, but I would always say "No"; I was never interested in doing sightseeing activities, preferring to play GTA III on the computer or Pokémon on the GameBoy.

People in my family tried to get me to their line of thinking, but I was a stubborn cunt, to the point I would make the experience so distateful, they did not bother asking me anymore.

My late grandmother tried to make me go to church. I would swear out loud during mass when I was around 6, that she never wanted to force me there again, my dad wanted me to get out to do a Safari, a few years later, but I would hid below the 4x4 until they gave up and let me read a book or play a video game inside the car while they were galivanting around. They then understood there was no point in forcing me to do something I did not want.

So watching this movie around my 18th year was out of curiosity, and many things came out of it.

Jim Carrey plays Carl, who is a Junior Loan Officer at what looks like a US regional bank. He had just come out of a long-term relationship, which had deeply affected him. He becomes a recluse and doesn't want to see anyone in his free time, including his best friend Peter (played by Bradley Cooper), and makes sure to say "No" to everything, when he does not avoid phone calls from everyone.

Even his boss, who has a particular liking for him, is repeatedly being shut down when trying to create rapport with him, to the point that he misses the promotion he was due after five years in his position. His energy is negative and antipathetic.

The turning point is when he bumps into a former acquaintance who exudes an entirely different energy to Carl and tells him all about what he experienced in the past years. Puzzled, he decides to take the Yes Man leaflet he was handed to attend a seminar.

He goes to the event and gets called out by Terrence, the guru behind this mindset, who reads him like a Wikipedia page.

"Let me guess, Carl, someone talked to you about coming here today, didn't they? And you are not sure about this, are you? You are dead, Carl. You say no to life; therefore, you are not living. You make up excuses to the people around you and to yourself. You are stuck in the same dead-end job you have been in for years. You don't have a girlfriend, and you don't have anything close to a girlfriend, and you lost the love of your life because she could not be with someone who did not live theirs. And most nights, you are so bored and filled with ennui that you cannot summon the enthusiasm necessary to masturbate. Am I right, Carl?"

He is flabbergasted.

He invites him to make a covenant, to which he agrees. Every time an opportunity presents itself, no matter what, you say yes. He agrees and gets warned that if he breaks the covenant, he will suffer the consequences.

This is what happens next.

Life Opens up. By saying yes, Carl experiences things he never would have tried: flying lessons, Korean classes, spontaneous road trips, and quirky hobbies. This openness also helps him reconnect with people and break out of isolation.

His new lifestyle introduced him to Allison, a free-spirited musician. Their romance blossomed because Carl was finally present, adventurous, and willing to embrace new experiences.

At work, Carl’s constant yes to loan applications (even bizarre ones) unexpectedly earns him a reputation as supportive and innovative. His boss, Norman, praises him, and Carl secures the promotion he had missed earlier, and even surpasses Norman, once a VP realised that his low-level loans and high approval rates (what the competition would not allow) created a positive feedback loop where default rates were at 2% and the bank was printing money.

He reconnects with Peter and even wins over the approval of his best friend's fiancée, who initially disliked him.

So all in all, everything is going well for Carl on the surface.

But Carl took “yes” too literally. He burns himself out, overcommits, and agrees to things he doesn’t actually want.

Allison discovers the truth that his yeses weren’t always genuine, and she feels betrayed. She leaves, thinking his affection wasn’t a real choice but an obligation.

Carl eventually realises he’s misapplied the covenant. After a dangerous accident and a tense hospital scene with Terrence, he learns the truth: it was never about saying yes to everything, but about saying yes to life, opportunities, risks, and growth.

With this understanding, Carl reconciles with Allison, now choosing her freely rather than because of a rule. He also keeps his newfound openness without falling into blind people-pleasing.

Later, Carl runs into his ex, Stephanie. She tells him bluntly that he withdrew from life during their relationship, saying “no” to opportunities, to her, to growth. This encounter is crucial because it forces Carl to confront the truth:

Before the seminar, fear ruled him.

After the seminar, he overcorrected into blind compliance.

In both cases, he wasn’t acting from his authentic will.

That realisation sets him free: “Yes” isn’t a law, it’s a tool."

LESSONS:

Like Carl before his transformation, you may have withdrawn from social life, relying on digital escapism rather than engaging with the real world.

Yes Man is essentially a critique of paralysis through fear, cynicism, and routine, and you are the warden of the prison you created for yourself.

Rigid and defeatist narratives about women, dating, and society are realities that may be real. Still, they are only more real if you only look for confirmation online, rather than by exposing yourself.

The world is broader, kinder, and more surprising than fears suggest.

Fear of rejection & failure are often what drive people into the self-fulfilling prophecy of being ego-invested in an idea, where the disproval of it would shatter the identity they created in their mental sandcastle, which must not be tested empirically.

Risk is essential to evolve. Rejection and failure are part of the process of living, not something to be avoided at all costs.

If you close yourself off, you self-confirm your belief that “nothing good happens.” Say yes to small things first: a walk, a class, an invitation. You must become more open-minded if you are not satisfied with the outcomes in your life.

Life doesn’t change by overthinking; it changes by doing.

This means stepping outside the screen: join a club, volunteer, or talk to a stranger. Reality challenges distorted narratives.

It isn’t about money or status, it’s about people: friendship, love, community.

Human connection, even messy and imperfect, is the antidote to loneliness and bitterness.

Saying yes to everything eventually backfires (you will overcommit and get into trouble).

Evolving isn’t about recklessly agreeing to all opportunities, but about breaking free from fear-driven no’s and practising intentional yes’s.

You will go from “the world is boring and hostile” to “the world is full of possibilities.”

You can reframe your worldview by testing it in real life, discovering nuance, kindness, and opportunity that online echo chambers obscure.

=> How did it change me?

I was initially a shy guy; I could make friends easily as long as I was within a segmented set-up where I would see people regularly, but I was not getting the social experiences I was seeking.

Like Carl, I overcorrected into people-pleasing, yet I experienced things I would never have dreamed of and was invited to exclusive retreats by influential people (one of them is a current Head of State), and saw things that only very few and selected people have seen. I also developed the ability to be socially versatile, whether it came to women or other men, and have more stories than I can write about. I settled in a different country and have a network all across the world.

The energy I generated made people want to be around me; it is only later that I adapted and addressed my people-pleasing tendencies to really segment what I wanted to get involved in and what I did not.

The reality is that people achieve the most out of an insecurity they want to address. Insecurities can be a powerful tool, as anxiety is an excellent fuel for achievements, but past a certain point, it can consume you, so that your improvements stall to the point of diminishing returns. Addressing insecurities makes more sense when you are happy with the progress you have made.

The exposure I gained made me knowledgeable beyond the norm, to the point I can distinguish things that data crunchers in their ivory towers will misread, not that they don't know how to run their stats. They will just choose variables which don't matter because of their lack of first-hand experience and direct feedback.

Beyond the experiences you gain, you develop something which is profoundly lacking, and that you are not taught at school or university, which is discernment. The educational complex provides you with the tools to be a well-read parrot (I know, I spent 7 years in it post SATs/A-levels/Baccalaureate), not the critical thinking.

Warren Buffett famously said that he spends most of his time saying no.

What is forgotten is that saying no is a luxury he earned the right to exercise.

However, when you have nothing, you are free to do anything, and you should not deny yourself this pleasure, which is, in reality, a necessity.

I am not a positivity merchant, yet dwelling in negativity is not something I do. And when you think you can't pick an opportunity, find it in yourself to think outside the box to make things work.

At the very least, you will develop this muscle in your brain, even if you don't get to the outcome that you originally used it for, becoming more versatile in the process.