1 - MAKE THE DECISION TO LET GO

“Yesterday is not ours to recover, but tomorrow is ours to win or lose” Lyndon Johnson

2 - IDENTIFY YOUR EMOTIONAL STATE

You cannot let go of anything if you don’t realise you are holding on to it.

3 - RE-CHANNEL YOUR NEGATIVE EMOTIONS

Hanging onto resentment is letting someone you despise live rent-free in your head.

4 - DETERMINE WHETHER YOUR NEEDS ARE MET

When we have difficulty letting go because we believe it is meeting one of our needs,

Although it is misguided, we often believe it to be true. Until we acknowledge and recognise the delusion, it may as well be true.

Unfortunately, it makes us less inclined to let go of whatever burdens us.

Ask yourself, “What do I need to be satisfied?”

5 - IDENTIFY WHAT GIVES YOU A PURPOSE

“The mystery of human existence lies not in staying alive, but in something to live for” Dostoyevsky.

The lack of awareness regarding our purpose makes us more inclined to hold on to the past.

6 - ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR EMOTIONAL PAIN

Embrace your emotional misery. You should accept feeling the way you are, take it as authentic and valid, and let it in.

The process isn’t about giving yourself approval to feel like a victim.

Acknowledge, don’t bottle it in.

7 - LOOK FOR IMPORTANT LESSONS

You will lose many things from the past, but you will find yourself.

Holding on to regret suggests you have not learned anything from it. You have not discerned its lesson yet.

Once you do, you will feel more optimistic. It will increase your feeling of confidence and agency.

Fixating on painful memories is making you unable to detach from them.

Ask yourself these questions:

“Why do I regret this?”

“What was I trying to accomplish?”

“Why did that hurt me the way it did and still does?”

“What can I learn from this experience?”

8 - SURRENDER YOUR PRIDE

Don’t confuse pride for self-esteem or self-respect.

Pride is one of the quickest ways to ego investments, which is a surefire way to you getting screwed over.

You are not that special in the grand thing of things.

It’ll discourage you from letting go, thinking otherwise.

We become less inclined to admit our mistakes, convinced we are faultless.

Guess who is the most prone to limerence.

The most prideful of people who think they can still change others to the core because of who they are.

Pride is not all bad, as you recognise your strengths through it. It has its purpose, but like the ego, it is a double-edged sword.

9 - DISREGARD WHAT OTHERS THINK OF YOU

Care what other people think of you and you will always be their prisoner.

It is instinctive to do so. Much of our happiness stems from relationships we enjoy with other people.

Naturally, we want them to like, respect and admire us.

You model your behaviour and decisions to ensure this effect.

You do things you know will elicit a positive response and avoid doing things that elicit a negative response.

It is beneficial where it establishes behavioural standards.

Like Pride, it is a double-edged sword.

You continue to strive for other people’s approval, and you worry about what others think of you.

You dread criticism and model your behaviour and decisions to avoid it.

You fear being rejected and excluded from the group.

It makes it impossible for you to let go of pain and emotional distress.

You can’t let go because it becomes entangled with your yearnings for others’ validation.

Your insecurity causes overthinking decisions and actions without someone else’s permission.

10 - STOP TRYING TO MAKE EVERYONE ELSE HAPPY

When you say yes to others, ensure you are not saying no to yourself.

Yes, making other people happy will have a positive impact on making you happy.

Don’t let it be placed above your own needs.

11 - STOP TRYING TO MAKE YOURSELF HAPPY

Happiness is like being cool. The harder you try, the less it is going to happen.

Stop trying. Just start living.

The more you try, the less you will feel happy.

Yes, you can desire it; there is nothing wrong with it. Just don’t obsess over it.

12 - PRACTICE GRATITUDE

You take too many things for granted, and you value it only once you lose it.

Yesterday, I could not move my neck because I slept poorly; it was a bloody pain all day.

Today, 70% of the pain is gone. I feel much happier than yesterday and before.

You have more things going for yourself than you think.

Suppose you have trouble finding it: ask a friend; he will have less of a negative, skewed view of things you have for yourself, as he will be less self-absorbed than you.

13 - EMBRACE YOUR LACK OF CONTROL

“You have power over your mind, not outside events; realise this, and you will find strengths” Marcus Aurelius

It’s an instinct to feel you wanna control everything. Captain of the ship you are.

The Sea is your environment, and there is so much you can do against its movements except adapt.

Having control of external factors is delusional unless you change the environment itself.

If you don’t heed the above, you will invite unnecessary emotional pain

You won’t be able to let go of anger, disappointments, resentments and regrets.

You fixate on negative experiences.

If you are genuinely in control of circumstances, you must be at fault when things go poorly.

14 - LEARN TO FORGIVE OTHERS

Much of the emotional pain you bear stems from unfair treatment from others.

Be able to forgive; don’t forget.

Forgiving does not mean giving a second chance to the person.

You decide if you do. People tell you who they are. Listen to them.

15 - LEARN TO FORGIVE YOURSELF

If you don’t admit your mistakes, you won’t be able to forgive yourself.

It goes back to pride.

You are not so special that you can solve the multi-factor equation that life is without bumps in the road.

Humble yourself; otherwise, life will.

Guess what, you will also feel lighter and in a much better mood.

Remember to learn from your mistakes and keep them in mind for the future.

16 - STOP TAKING YOURSELF SO SERIOUSLY ALL THE TIME

We are a realm of emotions; you are not always a stoic hard rock.

The people who think the opposite suppress or repress their emotions and feelings, for it to blow it all up afterwards.

Learn to detach yourself and take things light-heartedly. It will be the evidence that whatever may have hurt you in the past now has a half-life because you processed the information so fast that you already let go before you even realised it.

It didn’t touch your reality.