Tech has made dating a process-driven task devoid of humanity, where benchmark analysis is the rule and personality appreciation the afterthought.

It killed the randomness of encounters, or at least the idea of it, where people are tradeable assets.

It used to be an open-outcry exchange before it was standardised, and people could see the Hot Picks quoted on the machines.

The idea of love, despite its illusion, has helped couples form, and has eventually evolved into arranged unions due to the segmentation of dating apps.

Religious community matchmaking websites, or dating apps for successful individuals only.

What was originally a break from traditionalism is eventually coming full circle under the modern false hat of these mating special-purpose vehicles, such as Raya or Jswipe.

Except that, instead of the family making the choice, the illusion of freedom under the restriction of a particular characteristic of an individual is being allowed by the private sector.

Yet this is where things are failing.

Whereas before the milestones for the union were chaperoned by the respective families of the future bride and groom, the eventual motive behind the marriage was decided by people other than the direct interested parties.

Now, it is the Wild West, where feelings, the busy lifestyle of two working individuals, and respective agendas must align. Needless to say, the planets rarely do. Not even mentioning serial dating, making things even more of a shitshow than it already is.

People are often overwhelmed by the numerous notifications they receive on their phones, and they struggle to stay present, as attention has become a scarce resource. This can also be seen on or after the specified date.

What is actually missing is a level of spontaneity and human touch. Despite some profiles praising spontaneity, people have become so risk-averse that they have become anything but spontaneous when it comes to delving into the unknown.

Tech has allowed the decrease of the information asymmetry between the parties involved, as it has created more barriers to transact, thanks to the involvement of multiple parties (the board of bitches / influencers) or online platforms to triangulate the information of a prospect (IG / LinkedIn).

This kills the discovery phase from a random encounter where the beauty of the meet-up is the incremental data gathering by the respective individuals at play—enabling the investment phase.

Add to that, many people on both sides of the spectrum who have been dating for a while lack the patience or inclination to give someone the right attention and time, and vice versa—creating a negative spiral where both men and women rarely meet eye to eye.

More importantly, there is a principal-agent problem where the apps benefit from people coming back to them. This creates a conflict of interest between the stated purpose of encouraging people to enter relationships while profiting from them in failing to secure one.

For people to get out of the rut they unconsciously got themselves into, the process of meeting people will have to be more akin to a serendipitous dynamic.

Otherwise, the overt transactional nature of these encounters, despite it being the reality of relationships, will be at the same time the grim ripper of these unions, as the covert nature of the seduction process will have evaporated.

If both individuals are free to interact with whomever they please, unlike in the arranged marriages of the past, there is still a desire to feel that things happened naturally.

However, serious dating, under the current framework, is becoming a segmented activity for the fortunate few, as women are gradually entering relationships only as long as they are an upgrade to their current lifestyle, superseding the idea of an emotional connection with another individual, and the higher their lifestyle the harder it will be for them achieve that, holding looks and age equal.

If not, they are on a pay-as-you-go plan.

The logic and dynamics of modern dating apps have solidified this trend.

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