So I had a consultation call with a guy who wanted to improve his day gaming and dating skills, and this is what I told him based on the 4 main issues he wanted to address:

1) "I get outcome-dependent and take rejections too personally."

Rejection is feedback and redirection.

"I am not sure if it is a skill issue, or if it was beyond my control".

Suppose you find that when you do something repeatedly and it gets you a negative outcome, it is a leak. If you find that you get positive and negative feedback, it is less about what you do, but where you are coming from (how much she likes you physically or general vibe) and/or where she is at emotionally.

You can shift someone's feelings and state, but you have a small window when you cold approach, so for the time being, look at being purposeful and getting rid of these leaks.

Don't look at it necessarily with what you say, but what is your general state and mood, because it is less what you say that matters than how you say it. The same woman can respond differently to the same given approach depending on her mood on the day, so don't get neurotic about it.

You will soon notice direct positive/negative feedback in her body language after you say or do something; take note of it.

Journal your approaches, and focus less on the outcome, such as numbers, but on direct feedback from each move.

2) "I slip into interview mode, focusing on topics instead of sparking emotions and vibe."

Frameworks are useful for reflection but not for conversations.

Over-relying on frameworks makes interactions rigid and “interview-like.”, and usher you into loops trying to understand why it did not work as part of the framework. Frameworks are what a lot of logical and thinking people love to rely on. Still, it is their worst enemy at the same time because it implies certainty when, in human interactions, we will only be able to rely on interpretations, as we don’t have all the information at hand, which is a lower degree of truth behind deductions and facts. Most of the misattributions people make are considering interpretations as facts, when they are just desperate to make events fall within the framework.

Instead, listen and build on what she says (riff, make assumptions, explore threads she throws).

Answer + Redirect to make the conversation transitional, where you are not only answering her thread.

To get her engaged, throw threads and see which one she bites at with the most emotional engagement, and dig deeper.

The whole "what topic should I be talking about" is autistic object-driven material, when people love talking about themselves. Assume things about her based on her appearance and what she says, and let the conversation unfold with its chaos and tangents.

Once you are comfortable with that, you can redirect the conversation where you want it to go without her realising it, allowing her to share more about herself, even to places where she would not have usually gone.

Chaos is your friend once you let go of being a control freak and trying to micromanage every little detail of your interactions.

The more you try to control, the more she will feel you are not congruent, and the hotter she is, the more in tune she is with these communication cues.

It is not a pre-determined topic that will make her feel you, it is how you gonna make her think about herself through you and what you respond to what she says.

To be interesting, you have to be interested. Ticking your topics checklist ain't going to do that. People love to talk about one thing above everything else: themselves.

Learn to be comfortable with silence; don’t panic when you go blank. One of the best indicators, counter-intuitively enough, is when both of you remain in silence, and neither of you feels uncomfortable about it, because subconsciously you both feel at ease with one another. The sooner it happens, the bigger her perception of the chemistry.

Self-amusement is key: say what you enjoy and own it, rather than fishing for validation. The shit that I have gotten away with, you would not know, it is also a great way of saying you are confident about yourself without self-qualifying (which is one of the worst things you can do). This is where you can outframe someone.

When you’re genuinely amused by yourself, others feel freer to vibe with you. You give them permission, and it is leading that person to your frame.

3) "I hesitate on physical/sexual escalation, waiting for a “perfect” moment instead of leading."

Again, you are looking for a perfect formula when people, although predictable, are also chaotic.

As a starter: there’s no “perfect moment”... escalate when it feels right. You are escalating seeking approval with that mindset; escalate because you want to.

I personally use escalation early to see where I stand, to adjust accordingly, then if I want to go further with that girl, or bounce when I can't be asked.

Escalation is feedback: Positive reaction → double down. When you feel comfortable doing so, you can even use that to throw her a curveball ("Are you always this thirsty?") => You can create chaos instead of always being on your guard against her curveballs.

Negative reaction => recalibrate, pull back, or if you want to shit-test her, tease her playfully, blame her ("frigid moment?") => Guys are usually thrown off when women do that to them by reframing a rejection as something is wrong with them. And as guys love to try to fix things, they don't see the manipulation themselves and fall into the woman’s frame, but if you do, you can do that to them. Lucky you, she is so solpsistic, she does not know what you are doing, because she cannot break down what she does instinctively.

Don’t label yourself as “low-level”; instead, adopt the mindset of the person you aspire to become. You can do what your mind allows you to do. If you think you are low-level, you will behave low-level. That is why guys fumble it with girls when they feel she is better than them, and do better with girls who they believe are lower than them.

Act congruently with the identity of someone who already has options. If she likes you, she will give you the benefit of the doubt, even if you fail on some of the micro interactions; at worst, you will get shit-tested.

If she is on the fence with the frame you invite, she will shit-test you to sniff you out.

If she does not like you, don't worry, you will know soon.

Act and believe in the positive to manifest it. If you don't, you will even fumble the slam dunks, maybe not immediately, but soon enough.

An abundance mindset comes from consistent practice and reframing interactions as two-way value exchanges, not you seeking an outcome. You get the girls you don’t want because you don’t particularly want something from them. The goal-oriented mindset fuels the neediness you will subcommunicate.

When you approach, don't look at the goal. Look at the interaction. Did you enjoy the interaction? If so, reward with a follow-up, rather than going blindly for the phone number. A chick will know and feel if you are a bottom feeder, so this is not a win for her to give you their contact details or see you going forward. They don't do charity.

You have to go in there with a giving mindset of sharing good emotions and have her buy into it, to then switch from the seller frame to the buyer frame, once you feel she is invested enough, to implement the inflexion point (when she starts asking questions about you for you to deflect and redirect and make her qualify to you, through assumptive statements).

If she does not like or follow the game you are playing, move on, you did not enjoy yourself, nor did she, put it to the game, and try with someone else.

4) "I worry too much about social reputation and rejection, which holds me back from momentum."

The environment you are playing in dictates the rules of engagement.

If you are in a social circle, you gotta be strategic and avoid poisoning the well. It is a slower-paced dynamic, with higher plausible deniability. You can do that because there is a higher chance of seeing that chick again.

If you are in a high-traffic environment, you must play with momentum, as it will be your best friend. Nothing kills a deal like time, as we say in Sales, so it is about getting the prospect psyched about you and following up soon after. This whole Too-Cool for School is for guys who believe they are the only thing that lives in a girl's mind. You are not special. Do you have a 6-figure IG following? Do you have celebrity status? No, ok, so you are Joe Bloggs.

The same way she won't remember you after a rejection, so don't sweat over it; she won't remember you even after a good interaction, because her mind will be towards other things.

So it is about striking when the iron is hot.

Assume positive reception until proven otherwise. By doing so, you are subcommunicating that you are used to positive outcomes from others, and even if she is not sold on you, she will be at the very least intrigued, because you separate yourself from the mass, provided she has a baseline level of interest.

Rejection doesn’t define your value, even the best in the game or good-looking guys with game get rejected all the time. So if they ain't worth shit, neither are you, yet you see them higher than you based only on what you can see. So chill and keep moving forward.

A winning attitude and frame are more critical than perfect tactics. It all comes from you, not what her reward mechanism is for you. The difference between operating in her frame or yours is that in the former, you are more subject to her ever-changing emotions, as you are the variable. In the latter, you are more in control of your outcomes as she won't make you the collateral damage from her emotional rollercoaster.

Control of your outcomes is counter-intuitively enough through giving up your desire to control every little thing, because you show you don’t need to control someone who is coming towards you. It is a manifestation through assumed attraction. People only want to control people who they feel are not connected to them or to whom they are losing it—low-level behaviour—negative self-fulfilling prophecy.

See what pleases you, develop your standards, live up to them, and despite what you may think, screening out women will segment higher buying temperature from the ones that fall within. You will have fewer numbers, but they will be less flaky ones. In some cases, you may have a higher close rate because you started from a very low base point.

Focus less on chasing what she wants and more on whether she meets your standards.

Qualify/disqualify from your own frame, not to “win her over”. She decides your level of utility, so if you happen to believe you “won her over”, you are deluding yourself. She just changed the utility she had for you.

A man with standards is so rare when it comes to him implementing it with women, that this scarcity is a source of value, to which she will associate with you. How you implement them is not by saying you have standards, but in your interaction with her, when you challenge or criticise what she says. When you do it, she must feel you can easily lose interest.

Women like a guy who is successful with girls, but not one who will be indiscriminate towards them, she wanna be chosen rather than blindly scooped as part of a fishnet. If you want to be made to feel special by her, she must think that you are special, and you create that reality when she feels you have options, but you discriminately decide to exercise hers as one of yours. And when she starts to act out of line, create that perception that you can exercise the others you have got, should she continue the behaviour. Again, this is not something you say; it is something you subcommunicate by your dismissiveness and aloofness. Her mind will do the rest of the work.

Don’t troubleshoot every problem she brings; remember your preferences. When you try to fix her problems, she will automatically assume you do it out of scarcity, which is the opposite of what you want to convey. You have to allow yourself to shift the burden onto her. When she takes on the burden, it increases her investment.

If you want to book a consultation call, you can schedule a 1-hour or a 30-minute slot.