As guys, we must strive for more, constantly chasing bigger and better things. However, the pitfall of such thinking is that we can feel we are not as good as we are right now.

It is a tough act to balance. What we don't want to fall into is the pernicious thought that we don't deserve the modicum of respect from us being us because we are not there yet.

It all starts from within. Nobody will know your life story, where you came from, where you currently are, and where you are heading. It is easy to forget because we tend to be within our own bubble. We will also be prone to the same bias ourselves when dealing with others.

That's why it's crucial to address this issue by respecting yourself first. Doing so already acknowledges your worth, even if you haven't reached your desired destination. More importantly, you're setting a standard for the level of respect you expect, not just at the end of your journey but from this very moment.

Why?

You will realise, especially if you are ambitious, that once you reach your goal, you will want to achieve another goal and start the process all over again. It is from that position where you are unsatisfied with yourself despite reaching that previous goal. You are in the never-ending chasing wheel. You are never enough.

Technically, it makes your worth contingent on the external rather than owning the process itself. It is about the journey, not the destination.

Why do you think women have this innate ability to reframe and display what is, on appearance, a strong frame?

"I know my worth."

It is a meme, I know. It does not hold out because many have nothing to back it up except external positive feedback loops.

As guys, especially when we pursue goals, it creates that feeling we are heading somewhere beyond the next holiday's destination. You build that self-esteem when you reach a goal dependent upon your output. However, the belief you can achieve that goal can manifest that state of satisfaction, which eventually leads to positive behaviours and a positive mindset as long as you stop yourself from thinking you need to reach that goal to feel you then are legitimate to feel as such.

The difference between most women and you is that you are taking action to make that goal a reality, not just wishful thinking. Your true self reflects in your actions, not the goal.

I will use the example of my PUA days. I used to think that until I reached a certain level of lays, I was not "that guy". However, one of the tenets of having good Game is feeling entitled. I could masquerade as having entitlement in an interaction to get to the end outcome of the lay, but intrinsically, it was all a farce.

Why?

Because my sense of worth was based on validation from a third party that I had the right skills to be worthy of them sleeping with me, it made women the teacher and me the student, making my self-worth contingent on them. Did I pass the shit-test? Well done. Did I come across the right way to get to the next stage? Great. Did I make any mistakes in the process? No, that is an A+.

At best, I was doing it in the name of the Game; at worst, I was doing it in the name of female approval.

But really, I was outsourcing who I was to someone else, and so much so with my self-esteem. The further I went into getting the numbers in, the further I was losing myself. I diluted myself more to appeal to the most and eventually lost myself. Whatever esteem I had was just a smokescreen where the cognitive dissonance eventually arose. I told myself things, but my actions narrated another story.

I could only see that when I reached that magic number of lays, where I did not feel I needed to prove myself and others. Until then, I was blind.

This is not to say pursuing goals is fool's gold. Whether it is lays or whatever you chase, there is growth in it, so pursuing what you cherish and your skills are now battle-tested, which is good.

The questions are:

Are you a slave to your goals, or do your goals actually serve you?

Many people make the mistake of thinking their goals are themselves. The same thing happens when they feel their jobs define them. Either way, it shows a complete lack of self-awareness or depth.

It is the same thing with Money. Are you a slave to the Money, or do you make money your slave?

In the end, isn't life about how aligned you are personally with the outcomes you are getting?

The process and understanding come from taking the proper steps. You are mentally already there in terms of how you should behave and what you should expect from others so that you attract only the right people.

You will also notice that, in your journey, you are going to have a network cleanse. This is where the masks fall off. You will have friends you thought were as such, but as you reach new milestones, they will either hold you back or even try to bring you down by projecting their satisfaction or dissatisfaction with their lives.

When you focus on yourself as well, you will realise the opportunity cost of spending time with people with the wrong energy, women and men, friendship or more, is very high when you are already dealing with people vibing with the real you, the one you future discount yourself to be or the one you already are.

Interactions that may have held some value because you were at a different stage in your journey may not anymore because you are on these bigger and better things. I used to feel bad about it because I always remember where I came from and the people who were there for me, as there is this sense of loyalty ingrained in me.

But you also have to strike the right balance between completely discarding them and accepting that people grow or don't, and it is also the natural flow of life to continue on a path where not everyone can join.

It does not make you a bad person, and you need to know the line between being a people-pleaser and being your own mental point of origin, where you put yourself first. It is a spectrum, and your choice is where you put the cursor.

Knowing yourself and feeling you are enough is less about adding than subtracting. It is knowing what you are unwilling to accept rather than what you will. Once you start the journey to get to the goal you set for yourself, it is most likely coming from a place of pain, as it is what makes people go on a drastic trajectory route that you want to grow out of. Getting rid of that pain is generally more poignant than the positive outcome of reaching that goal.

The negative impact overshadows the positive expectation, which is why many people don't feel enough. They still drive their action and their mental state of mind from the original pain and forget to discount the future state they aim to be in.

Even though you can use that pain as a motivator to keep pushing forward, do not forget that you already deserve what you don't think you already have. This will also fast-track your reaching that goal, as people will assume your success even though you are not there yet.

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