One may think that self-respect only has positives, but everything in life is a trade-off, and so is self-respect. Everything comes with a cost, including values, and so does Self-Respect.

It should be a value people should seek, should it not?

When it comes to human interactions, there are three ideals to achieve. In a perfect world, we would accomplish all three, but realistically, each one will have costs and benefits.

We can achieve all three, but not equally, meaning one will take precedence over the others. Flexibility is essential. If one consistently prioritizes one of the goals, it will typically result in suboptimal outcomes.

The 3 goals are:

1) Objective Effectiveness: getting what you want

2) Relationship Effectiveness: This is making the other person feel good about you at the end of the interaction

3) Self-Respect Effectiveness: This is making sure you feel good about yourself at the end of the interaction

Depending on the situation, we may have to prioritize one of the goals before the other two, which will cost the other two goals.

Objective Effectiveness: Imagine a sales guy who will listen to you berating him for an hour because he knows you just need to vent to him, if not insult him, before purchasing. It is about prioritizing the goal above all other things.

Relationship Effectiveness: Imagine a married husband bending to his wife's every whim because he wants her to be happy. Happy wife, Happy Life. Even at his expense, performing shameful and unholy things to ensure that goal.

Self-Respect Effectiveness: Imagine someone who takes almost everything personally and is willing to cut his nose to spite his face out of principle.

For every one of these strategies, there is a time and a place to use it.

If you tend to overemphasize self-respect above all else, you will generally not achieve what you desire. You will struggle to maintain relationships because you will sacrifice the other two goals.

These people tend to operate under the assumption that they can be difficult, contentious, and self-focused, and they expect people to give them still what they want.

You will hear them say quite easily that if you are not like them, you are a "people-pleaser." At the same time, they will more often than not have few long-lasting and deep friendships or relationships because they are always on the defensive, constantly feeling like their identity is being attacked.

I encourage many men to create their own reality, recognize their values, and comprehend their circumstances because too many lack confidence or assertiveness. The pendulum must not swing entirely the other way as a form of overcompensation.

The more one concentrates on a single goal, the more it tends to come at the expense of other pursuits. Imagine having a limited amount of water and three empty plastic bottles for each interaction with others. It is about finding the right balance to achieve the desired outcomes.

You will also notice that people prioritizing self-respect have an expansive sense of self. However, their egos are easily bruised, and their pride is easily hurt. They have a lower threshold for what they perceive as a slight insult or disparagement. Consequently, they are often engaged in many battles and die on numerous hills, which does not help them gain many friends or achieve success.

They tend to be alone and frustrated, which feeds their prioritization of self-respect because what else do they have?

To achieve what you desire from others or to cultivate harmonious relationships, prioritizing how you are treated above all else will not lead to the desired outcomes.

Objective Effectiveness: Your approach to playing the game. Occasionally, you must cultivate relationships strategically, and at times, you must accept things you disagree with; not everything revolves around you.

Relationship Effectiveness. To achieve the outcome that both of you desire, you cannot always emphasize your subjective experience. It is sometimes vital to learn to be quiet and offer others what they need and want.

Self-respect is essential to utilize and prioritize when faced with blatant disrespect or any form of abuse or exploitation. However, it is the interpretation you assign to these words that genuinely matters. Their definitions have significantly broadened, but you must determine what they include, such as your values, beliefs, and standards.

As previously mentioned, people who tend to overemphasize self-respect fear appearing weak or beta. This fear stems from past hurt and a desire not to expose themselves to the same situation.

Much like Game, investments, or sales, you must navigate and balance both ends of the spectrum to achieve the most advantageous outcome. This can only be realized when you understand yourself and are at ease with what you represent.

Then, you will have the most optimal outcomes you have already defined.

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