Incels and players are two sides of the same coin. One takes pride in the successful conquest of women, the other takes consolation in the failure to attract any through learned helplessness.

However, both types are weak.

1) YOU RELY ON A THIRD PARTY TO BUILD OR DESTROY YOUR CONFIDENCE

I was guilty of taking pride and identifying myself as a player, but what I realised from an Inner Game perspective is that my mood swings would go to the complete opposite end based on my short-term results.

This is not confidence; it is contingent, which is the complete opposite - an illusion that only masks insecurity.

What makes you a man?

=> Knowing who you are

=> Living by your own core values

=> Bringing value to others

=> Appreciating your boundaries

=> Being disciplined in following your purpose

Not whether you were validated or rejected by some random girl.

Confidence is built from competence, but it is also in managing the uncertainty that life’s randomness brings to the table.

Regardless of the outcome, whether you are confident or not, it is how you move forward from it that matters, whether the result is positive or negative.

You can tell someone’s confidence by how they overcame failures, rather than by how they enjoy successes. Failure can be due to bad luck, and success due to good luck.

The successful individual who relies on luck will be less likely to replicate it, and he will not thrive; instead, he will stagnate or become irrelevant. The unsuccessful individual, when he turns the corner and has the necessary capital and leverage to build on it, will multiply his early success.

Confidence is the oil in the machine, not the car that went from point A to B.

Most guys who are into Game go through peaks and troughs, and they feel this way because their flow state is directly linked to their successes and failures, lengthening the randomness of the cycle and the clusters of 1s and 0s that define the highs and lows.

2) IF YOU ARE AN INCEL OR HAVE LITTLE SUCCESS WITH WOMEN, IT IS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD

When you understand who women are and what they can actually provide, you will realise how much more valuable you are as a guy.

You will have men that are successful with girls and have made it a priority, who are not much different from the women you criticise, both are shallow, lack depth, and are insecure behind their posturing. Likes attract likes.

Develop your own skills, because you may not have been gifted with good looks, and that in itself has a much bigger impact on the world than whatever you don’t receive will ever provide to you.

And if you are interested in finding someone you like. Stop focusing on the things you cannot change, and start loving yourself by knowing what you can offer. Believe in it, and if people do not buy into you, discard them, whether it is in business or love.

You have a certain amount of time, don’t waste it where you are only tolerated (at best).

Create your own reality based on your individual accomplishments, and learn human psychology and communication skills to break the negative feedback loop. The metrics you won’t be able to change significantly (i.e., appearance) should not be the ones you should focus on.

Whatever someone says who does not know you should not affect you or your self-esteem. You are responsible for your own sense of worth.

You would not care what a fat whale would say about you, nor should you care what a supermodel says, either. If you get fooled by it, you are no better than the people you criticise, who only focus on looks. You are above that.

3) PLAYERS ARE NOT THE HOT SHIT

There is a particular void among those who have made women their primary focus; they struggle to discuss anything other than that.

Having said that, some naturals always attract them and are interesting characters, but for those who had to learn it, the obsession that made them good in the field is also what holds them back in their personal growth.

Currently, dopamine surges are present to overshadow the underlying emptiness that drives these individuals to chase Groundhog Day.

It is not much different from an office worker looking to bag a commission, except here, it is female approval through sex.

4) YOUR JOY WILL SHOW WHEN YOU MAKE HEADWAY IN YOUR GOALS AND GIVE BACK TO OTHERS

Once you set your goals and begin your journey to achieve them, the feeling of growth will overshadow the quick hits you get from sex and will have a longer-lasting impact on your self-esteem.

Start by acknowledging the positive impact you have on others.

Helping a friend in need will give you more satisfaction than a short-term conquest.

We tend to take for granted the people for whom we matter the most.

This is one of the cardinal sins that one needs to eliminate.

Have a close group of people who value you.

Build your worth starting from your close circle.

It is less about your status in that group than the level of appreciation each individual has for you.

Bolster yourself with that feedback and start believing in yourself, as it will help you achieve the goals you have set or are on the way of setting, building on the momentum.

Change is not merely about thinking differently; it is about aligning your mindset with the actions you take, which are in line with your new core. The more in congruence they are, the more you will believe in your new identity, the stronger you will be mentally, and the more confidence you will have in moving forward and convincing others.

5) THE FEEDBACK OF STRANGERS DOES NOT MATTER

You have, and invite the people who embrace the value you bring to keep a positive energy around you.

The people shitting on you (and there will be plenty of women doing that) is only a redirection of where your focus should be at.

“Why should you care what she thinks of you?”

You may be a joke to a girl you fancied, but does she even know you that well?

And conversely:

You think you are the hot shit because some chick is obsessed with you.

What if she comes out of your life? How will you view yourself then?

How much a girl is into you has little to do with how much you are monetarily worth, it helps yes, but it is a reminder to me that even if a girl thinks I am that hot shit, they also did when I was a piece of shit and did not have a pot to piss in.

6) DETACHMENT IS THE FIRST STAGE OF FRAME

The more you know yourself and what you stand for, the less people will be able to impact you negatively.

Many won’t like you or understand you.

Fuck them, you are not there to be liked by other people, you are here to like who you are as a person, and if they don’t appreciate you, it is on them.

Once you get to this level of self-acceptance, you understand that whoever joins you in your journey wins by default.

You will be surprised to find that you attract more people by not seeking their association, and the authenticity of your relationships will even be stronger.

Frame is less there to include than to exclude because the ones who do end up there are the genuine ones for you.

Frame is not something that should confirm your success with girls; it is confirmed when you attract only what resonates with the authentic you.

CONCLUSION

Self-worth has less to do with the outcome than the process by which you reached it. When one confuses the both, not only do they mentally expose themselves to the randomness of life and misattribute the reason as to why they were successful or not, but also they become fragile in their own identity as it is reliant on external factors when it should be the rock that guides their life and brings them peace.

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