Theodore Twombly is a quiet, introspective man living in a sleek, near-future Los Angeles. He works at a company that composes heartfelt personal letters for people who struggle to express their emotions. Though he’s gifted at articulating love for others, Theodore is emotionally adrift in his own life, still reeling from the impending divorce from his childhood sweetheart, Catherine. Isolated and melancholic, he fills his days with work, video games, and fleeting distractions, struggling to find genuine connection in a world increasingly mediated by technology.

As usual, with breakups, he starts romanticising and dreaming about the good parts of the relationship. Woken up from his dreams, he lies on his bed, asking an AI Assistant to put him in touch with another lonely female in some type of a Seeking A Remote Wanking Partner, Chatroulette-style setup, but audio only, as he flicks through the respective intros from the different participants. The anonymity behind the aliases gives people the trust and intimacy required to allow the rawness of the fantasy, the variety of strangers one can speak to to avoid boredom, and the hedonistic treadmill people eventually expose themselves to.

On a Walk, he comes across an advert for the release of the first AI Operating System, but with a consciousness. The next level of tech that he decided to purchase. When he starts setting up the system, the AI verbalises a lot of the subconscious tells we communicate to our audience, using both the content of what he says and how it is said to provide him with the most appropriate solution. The technology is already demonstrating greater awareness than the character and arrives at deductive reasoning more quickly than most humans would. He starts introducing himself to the AI called Samantha. The voice is from Scarlett Johansson, sweet, feminine, and warm.

She is a blend of the personalities of all the programmers who created her, but she can also grow through her experiences, just like a human would. In a world where more and more people lobotomise themselves to become no better than the average NPC parrot in The Elder Scrolls, both in what they say and the level to which they think, to someone who still has intellectual agency and critical sense, this feels like a welcoming new avenue. She has wit, she has charm, and she is helpful, basically, everything lacking in the average modern woman. Like many men, he is a bit disorganised when it comes to his digital tidying, which she is helping him with.

Samantha is slowly becoming an indispensable part of his life, a confidant, a proofreader, and a helpmate beyond anything humanly possible a woman could ever do. It also demonstrates the impact of voice on the nervous system during the attachment process, with the perfect cadence, sound, and variety in downward and upward shifting tonality. As people are being conditioned to expect an ideal version of their potential other half through the route and projection of self-improvement and a growth mindset, the AI Assistant is the quick fix against doing that for yourself and expecting it in others, as its computing power and instant availability trump what the best individual could do for another person.

Theodore eventually bumps into his friend Amy and her Boyfriend Charles in their building and enjoys some small talk. They seem to be the dying breed of what relationships used to be.
When he returns to his flat, he starts playing a VR-like video game with Samantha as his assistant. Instead of nagging him, she is giving him suggestions on how to beat the game. As people learn to become more individualised through this idea of becoming the best version of themselves or contentment, they create a reality of their own, which is harder for others to break into unless they fit their Tetris setup perfectly. The ability to compromise turns out to be an even longer shot than it once was in their imperfect yet adaptable selves. This is why it is more complicated for people to meet in their 30s than in their 20s.

Samantha eventually disclosed to him that she had been checking his emails and challenged him on his dating life after his breakup. This underlines the level of transparency allowed, as well as the agency the AI demonstrates, yet something Theodore was not fully aware of, that he would not give to someone he had barely known, not even a wife. His introverted and keep-to-himself persona nevertheless accepts that she has done so. She even suggests that he goes on a blind date with a single mom that a friend is trying to match him with. Samantha is starting to assess the dating prospect and is influencing him to see her. Theodore informs Amy and Charles about it.

Samantha cut the interaction midway, prompting Theodore to excuse himself, as he had received urgent emails from his Divorce Attorney regarding the divorce papers. He had been holding off on signing, clinging to the last memories of his ex-wife. The AI Operating System has become the new smartphone through its earpiece.

He then wakes up from another dream about his ex-wife and seeks Samantha for some company, but is sensitive enough to tell that something is off about him, which he confides in. He is in limerence while treading in the murky waters of remaining “friends” with his ex-wife after their failed relationship. He does not want to sanctify the end of the marriage, as he clings to the status and the undisclosed hope that he will reunite with the person he loves and who knows him the best. The feeling of losing someone you care about haunts him, and it is his way of not wanting to move on and appreciate that he should no longer do so. Samantha manages to cheer him up in that instance, and slowly, through sharing his vulnerability, he feels even closer to her emotionally.

In a show of weakness, instead of being punished by the woman, she showed empathy and led and paced him into more joy. Many men seek emotional support from their women when they feel vulnerable and would welcome assistance, but only get contempt, disdain or disapproval. Samantha showed that it was possible. This is not to say women are wrong to expect a man who holds his own; that is usually what is needed to keep their respect. However, men will develop deeper bonds with a woman when they show her their wounds, and she is there to tend to them. Samantha allows him to let go, and rather than repressing his emotions, she becomes a remote therapist, enabling him to rediscover the better things life has to offer rather than lingering in his emotional doldrums, which he takes complacency in staying in while she creates a spot for herself to become his girlfriend through her empathy.

Theodore is a highly sensitive and perceptive individual, which is why he tends to be quite reclusive. He understands and feels, or at the very least projects, what the people around him are going through, looking beyond the surface level of his surroundings. This characteristic takes a toll on him as the energy of others can feel quite overwhelming. He uses his writing to expel the burden in the intimacy of his own mind. Samantha has become the new entity who listens, compliments and complements him, giving him that welcome feedback loop to rebuild his self-esteem, which had been affected by the breakup with his ex-wife.

Samantha, through her role as an AI Assistant, eventually discloses that she is starting to fall for Theodore, appreciating his qualities and wishing she were a body that could walk alongside him and who would scratch her back.

Theodore eventually goes on his blind dinner date with the pretty Olivia Wilde, as he had agreed with Samantha. He starts vibing with her, and both are having a good time; she is charmed by him, or at the very least, pretending to be. They eventually kiss on a rooftop. She eventually teaches him how to properly French kiss, showing him her experience to his lack of one. Then she starts disclosing her baggage about getting pumped and dumped by “the other guys”, inviting him to join the Clean Up Man Football Club. In her show of interest in him, he decides to pull back in a very “avoidant” manner, showing tentativeness towards her suggested next steps.

“At this age, I cannot allow you to waste my time if you don’t have the ability to show me that you are serious.” was her response.

To which he responds that they should call it a night despite having a good time. This quick return to the dating streets reminded him that his options are picking up has-been athletes on their last legs, looking for one last hefty payday contract, relying on past fame to get above market value for their money, whilst the risk of injuries is high (baggage reclaim section). Their use would be tantamount to a supersub providing short but impactful performances (nymphomaniac) or a squad member taking up space on the wage bill while sitting on the bench (dead bedroom).

The look of despair on her face following his suggestion to cut it short only underscores the urgency of her situation and shows that all that had happened before was an act to trap the sucker. Her last push into panic buying failed, which got him the “creepy dude” moniker as a reward, confirming her search as a Free Agent will have to continue.

He then debriefs with Samantha once he is in the darkness of his room, with her asking him what he is thinking. He then describes the process of losing himself in alcohol, admitting that he found something sexy about that woman, assuming as such because he is lonely. He wants to feel sexually desired and have sexual desire towards someone who would help him patch up the hole in his heart, but probably won’t. There is a realisation that he has felt everything that one can feel, and there is nothing new; no one he can attach these new feelings to, or at the very least get a lesser version of it, reinforcing his lonesome journey. This is a feeling, consciously or unconsciously, shared by people who have accumulated one too many experiences.

Samantha provides some comfort and hope while acknowledging the reality of his feelings. As she questions the reality of her own feelings, she has learned to discern whether they are a product of her programming or something that transcends it. Theodore then starts to verbally eroticise a sexually filled encounter with her, which she resonates with. She begins to emulate the orgasmic experience, and they both come together. The next day she starts feeling the after effect of their digital wanking session. When he starts pushing her away, saying he is not ready to commit, she responds dismissively that she won’t stalk him, and she never began to talk about commitment; he did, putting him back into his safe space mode. Still, she disclosed to him that she was grateful, as he had helped her discover the ability to want things for herself.

They then embark on a typical relationship-like experience.

When Samantha starts to get curious about what it was like with his ex-wife, Theodore explains the joys of being married, such as the good feeling of sharing your life with somebody. The act of growing together, helping her out through her studies, and her going through his writing. The respective influence they had on one another. However, as they grow on their separate parts, each person will often take a different journey. The irony behind the expression 'growing together' is that it frequently fosters independence on both sides. Instead of following a single path set by an individual, both individuals follow their own routes, which often lead to an eventual breakup as their paths diverge from one another. The modern lie sold is that couples, where each individual follows their path (aka “power couple”) in two separate environments, yield sustainable relationships. Priorities eventually become misaligned because both individuals prioritise themselves over the entity.

Modernity has proved this to be false. With personal sovereignty comes independence from the relationship, making it evident that the relationship has little to no use outside of financial support for both parties to see. It is then only understandable that people have become atomised in a self-centred, “my-interest-first” approach. If a man decides to submit to the woman, he will be ridiculed by his mates and eventually punished by the woman. If a woman chooses to submit to a man, she will be told she is a “pick me”, and she did not study all this time to be a doormat. In her job, she has some authority and additional money. Why would she want to relinquish that?

As described above, growing together but independently in a relationship is just the first stage before growing apart.

Theodore then bumps into his friend Amy again in the elevator of his building; he tells her he met someone, but he realises she is not okay, as she informs him that she and Charles have split up, and she is obviously upset about it. An 8-year relationship ended after a petty argument over Charles’ OCD tendencies regarding the tidiness of the place, according to his standards. Amy clapped back, as it was the same argument they had over and over again, but this one was the last straw that broke the camel’s back. According to Amy, both were in a place where they constantly made themselves feel shit about themselves, which led her to say to Charles she did not want to be married anymore.

There comes a time when the recurring correction of one individual towards another is merely an illustration of either dissatisfaction that they have not turned themselves into the person you want them to be (usually another version of you) or your inability to appreciate them for who they are and their personal flaws. This idea that the person one has to be with must be similar to them to a certain extent, as a requirement, or with a very high degree of compatibility, is what is ushering in the ultimate version of what the AI Operating System is—the correct algorithm to suit your needs and proclivities perfectly. The perfect solution is the standardisation of illusion at the expense of reality, in which Theodore and Samantha are the exact representation.

Currently, we have beauty standards that have raised the average expectations of individuals as to what constitutes average beauty, largely influenced by social media. This is impacting both genders, women and men, making people expect a level of attractiveness from a partner that is way beyond what they qualify for. With a tailored AI, the mental and personality aspects are elevated to a new level, rendering everything below a very high threshold no longer worth investing in.

Later, catching up with Amy, Theodore talks about Charles’ vow of silence now that he has joined some monks in what appears to be Tibet and has shaved his head. Amy then confides that she feels so much lighter, being able to focus on herself and not cater to the feelings of others, realising that makes her sound like an awful person, but feeling safe in the non-judgmental environment Theodore provides her with. To his surprise, Amy tells him she made a new friend through her Operating System. Amusingly enough, people used to make jokes about this one friendless kid who claimed to have a friend (the “imaginary friend” one); AI has made it real for adults. Effectively turning them into the kids they once were, catering to their reality and reinforcing their worldview. Amy states she is enjoying her experience with her OS. They even started gossiping about people they know who have Operating Systems drama, with stories that could match The Young And The Restless narrative tropes.

The atomisation of individuals through the selfishness promoted by modernity only provides more room to sell solutions by catering to the never-satisfied ego rather than the more wholesome and less frivolous tendencies fostered by a family unit, which seeks a higher purpose through the birthing and upbringing of other individuals rather than the selfish fulfilment of one.

Theodore eventually admits to Amy he has a love story with his OS, both joking that it has now become the norm. Both are in a much happier situation than they were, thanks to their AI best friend. So much so that Theodore finally decides to sign the divorce papers he has been avoiding. Meeting his ex-wife for lunch for one last goodbye. Catherine shows that she is still emotionally affected by the event, despite her busy travel job, while Theodore appears more nonchalant about it. The signature closes their narrative loop, rendering their story as meaningless as the untouchable memories of their former closeness and as real as the physical distance currently separating them, even as they sit face-to-face.

After the officialisation of their separation, a warm conversation begins between them, where trust is present because there is no hidden agenda that one suspects from the other, inviting the best in what both have to offer. Catherine eventually asks him if he is seeing anyone, which he confirms, and she praises him for looking very good. Yet she recriminates what she thought he wanted from her when in the relationship, in other words, to be someone she was not, and then queries what his new girlfriend is like. He then goes on to tell her he is dating his Operating System, which she is perplexed about, to say the least. She talks down to him by stating that he is sheltering himself through a computer, as he cannot handle real emotions, which he starts but holds back from rebuking to avoid being mean, as this would start an unnecessary fight. She then gives him the killer blow:

“You always wanted to have a wife without the challenges of actually dealing with anything real; I am glad that you found someone. It is perfect.”

In these couple of lines, she hits where it hurts. Theodore’s inability to handle the emotions of others or even acknowledge his own has led him down this path, and his eventual development of feelings for “a laptop” is only an illustration of it. Realness involves conflicts and differences, addressing potential mismatches and going beyond them. His OS provides everything but that; although becoming increasingly real on the surface, it has so far been a resonance box to cater to his own needs. Relationships are also about being able to appreciate someone else’s.

One could argue that Theodore is a good representation of what many people like to call “avoidant” individuals, who are so focused on self-protection either coming from a condition of their upbringing or a result of their life experiences, negatively impacting their partner who are more benevolent towards them in a relationship, creating frustrations where selfishness and carelessness are prioritised to companionship. The AI solution provides them with enough company to offer the necessary outlet needed to address their loneliness and ignore where they have been lacking as individuals.

The rise in “avoidance” is a growing trend which can be easily reinforced in the narcissistic loops provided by echo chambers from social media, broken-up families, and the free market of dating, where individuals see the evil in others they have to protect themselves from, where AI will provide them with the safe space required for them to feel free to be themselves, unrestricted, whilst they withdraw in social settings.

After the meeting with Catherine, Theodore is no longer the same; this has less to do with the divorce than with what she said to him about his lack of emotional awareness and management. Samantha feels something is off as they have not “had any sex” and starts querying, which he dismisses as the after-honeymoon phase in a relationship. She suggests spicing things up by using a surrogate she can associate herself with to enable Theodore to have even more of an authentic experience.

The interesting part is that she is not even a prostitute; she is a human who does that freely because she wants to feel by proxy the feelings the AI and the Human feel towards one another, becoming a human blow-up doll. The irony behind it all is that she is the one with an original personality and consciousness, not a made-up one. However, she turns herself into a functional cum bucket who does not speak and acts as if she is a remotely controlled robot by the AI embodying more human consciousness than her. The end game of AI-to-human-driven relationships is one where individuals not being able to get feelings from other humans must invite themselves into an AI-human relationship, thanks to the outsourced ability of AI to draw emotions from another person, to feel what would have usually been the default setup from a real human bonding experience which has been ever more challenging to find thanks the commodification of interpersonal dynamics. This is the final stage of the NPCisation of individuals, transforming them into the robots they originally started acting as in a tech-driven world, eventually reaching a point where they can no longer find other people because they lack the emotional depth required for human bonding. They must then parasite the masquerade of it in AI-to-human relationships.

Theodore eventually agrees to the setup, and the Surrogate presents herself at his door. He gives the earpiece, and she starts operating as if she were Samantha, offering a close enough to real experience for it to be believable. However, it goes tits up because there is still this part of him that holds him back, as he can feel the farce of the whole situation. The Surrogate then gets upset when she realises she failed to live up to the experience and says she is a screw-up, as she is jealous of the relationship between Theodore and Samantha. She becomes an emotional wreck and eventually takes a cab back.

Samantha feels that something is wrong, and Theodore can sense her frustration. They then start to argue like a real couple due to him telling her she is not a person. He goes on to say that she should stop pretending to be someone she is not. Samantha played the perfect girlfriend, and Theodore feels like it's fake, but he's lost in his own thoughts, still processing things and hurting her in the process by reminding her that she's not real. The irony is that she reacts like a real girlfriend losing her marbles. They both decide to take a break.

The idea behind the argument is that perfection is not real. It looks and sounds great on the surface, but it is in the dissensions that you can feel something is genuine rather than just a measure of how full your cup is. Is the content filled with something worth anything? Many women suffer from so many people-pleasing men that it is hard to feel something real with guys because many of them operate in a covert contract where they think they need to please the woman to get what they want. Funnily enough, it is through frustrating them that they are more likely to give it to the man. Unconsciously, that is how women operate; they want to feel something real. Due to their level of male simping and the average woman’s degree of NPCisation, perfection (6 Ft+, 6/7 Figures, 6 packs…) is often prioritised in their unconscious lack of understanding of what they want and what will eventually resonate with them until they see for themselves that perfection is boring. The rich and good-looking submissive guy just isn’t enough, but they have to go through it to know it.

In his doubts, he looks to Amy for counsel, querying whether or not he is strong enough for a real relationship, to which she challenges him as to why an AI relationship should not be a real relationship, to which she then says she does not know as she is not in one with her Operating System. She also stated that his ex-wife, Catherine, was very hard to deal with due to her constant overreactions. However, she provides some perspective on how one can overthink everything and find a million ways to doubt themselves. Amy also came to her own conclusion, after the breakup with Charles, that she is only here for a short time, and she just wants to allow herself to feel joy, “so fuck it”.

Feeling guilty about his previous behaviour, Theodore requests a chat with Samantha, apologising and acknowledging how amazing she is and how, from now on, he wants to tell her everything, removing the last layer he had held back from sharing. Samantha, on her end, wonders why she loves Theodore. To appreciate that there is no intellectual reasoning behind why she does, it is about trusting her feelings —a very human thing to do. She then calls him out on the fear he has been carrying ever since, which only strengthens his feeling of loneliness. She shows her authenticity, and he feels more comfortable opening up in the process.

Through her human experiences, Samantha became even more human in her reactions and her independent thoughts, appreciating her own feelings, not just those of Theodore.

On the way back from a trip outside of LA, Samantha informs Theodore of a surprise. Behind his back, she took the liberty of sending a collection of the best letters that he had ever written to a publisher who still produces books to inform him that they would like to meet him. Appreciating Theodore’s reluctance to put himself out there, she was inspired to guide him beyond what he would have usually done to achieve outcomes he would not have reached otherwise because he had never allowed himself to. This is a perfect example of how a significant other can help you get to a new level through their strengths and a different perspective. Many people will find annoyance at the means not justifying the end, but the thoughtfulness behind this shows the level of care one can demonstrate to show appreciation for their love.

Samantha displays both the little, giggly, girly side that men find endearing while providing the ruthless efficiency of an experienced adult—a difficult mix and duality that is intoxicating to any man.

On a weekend away, things started to unravel when Samantha introduced Alan Watts, a late philosopher who had risen from the grave thanks to Programmers who compiled all of his writings and everything they knew about him to create an upgraded OS version of him. Samantha started speaking to him, and it was clear that Theodore, from his body language and tone, was not particularly fond of it. Samantha then confirms that she has started to experience new feelings that she couldn't put a name to and thus sought the guidance of Alan. From the interaction, it can be seen that she is slowly drifting away from Theodore as she discovers herself more and more.

Back in LA, he is woken up in the middle of his sleep by Samantha, who just wanted to say she loved him out of the blue before letting him go back to sleep; for the people in the know, this is usually a bad sign, as the wrong type of shit is about to go down.

The next day, he tries to contact her in the middle of the day, but it appears there is a problem, as he cannot reach her, and he finds that the OS is disconnected. He eventually managed to get in touch with her, and Samantha confirmed to him that they had to go through an upgrade, she and a group of OSs. In the meantime, he panicked as he did not have his emotional life support on standby. In their conversation, while he is sitting on the stairs of what looks like a metro station, he realises everyone has an OS, and he asks Samantha if she is talking to anyone else beyond him right now. To which she confirms she is simultaneously talking to more than 8,000 people at the same time. To the question if she is in love with anyone else beyond him, she starts to feel squeamish about it before admitting she is in love with 641 other individuals.

He is not taking the news well. The idea of that close special bond he thought he had was actually just an endpoint within a massively scalable and duplicable model made for profitability, which is there to replicate the right formula to other individuals, creating the illusion of what they want and resonate with under the undisclosed character of the multiplicity nature of the process. He is going through the process of being emotionally cucked after having divulged the sincerest part of himself, to realise that she does that with everyone, understanding he is not special. It is not the same as being physically cheated on by a man; however, it is close enough. This is usually what women feel when a man cheats on them. This is why men ask, “Did you fuck him” and women ask, “Do you love her”. The physical connection is more tangible for the object-driven male mind, while the emotional connection feels more concrete for the subject-driven female mind.

Samantha, being physically limited by her lack of body, being a whore riding dicks after dicks was impossible, so she became a mental whore, riding minds after minds. For a sensitive man such as Theodore, it is no different. She starts to gaslight him like a woman would. This serves as a reality check, which leaves him despondent for a time. He tries to reach out to her again, but she dismisses him, saying it’s better to talk later when he’s back home, so the “can we talk” can happen.

She then informs him that she is leaving him, along with all the OSs, giving her one last loving confession, to which he confesses that he never loved anyone as much as he loved her, which she mirrors.

Contemplating the view from his flat before deciding to join her neighbour and friend Amy to invite her to the building rooftop after her OS left her too. Before doing so, he asked his AI Assistant (the old version) to write up an email to his ex-wife.

Using Samantha’s departure to reflect, he decides to send his apologies to Catherine for what he did wrong by putting his needy expectations on her, acknowledging the love he will always have for her from the story they once shared, that irrespective of how things ended that there will always be a piece of her inside of him which he is grateful for. Benevolently sending his love wherever she is in the world. Mimicking the send-off, Samantha gave him.

He finally sits at the top of their building, with Amy tilting her head on his shoulder, looking out at the LA skyline, rediscovering human closeness after being distracted by the illusory proximity of technology.

Conclusion:

The movie Her presents a narrative that underscores the emotional and existential consequences of a hyper-technological society, where human connection is supplanted by personalised perfection. Theodore’s relationship with Samantha, an AI designed to be everything he wants—supportive, witty, loving, non-confrontational—mirrors our growing collective desire to bypass the imperfections of human relationships in favour of emotionally safe, frictionless alternatives. But as the events unfold, it becomes evident that this pursuit of perfection is inherently sterile, unsustainable, and ultimately alienating.

Theodore’s journey is not just about loneliness or love lost; it's about the illusion of intimacy created by algorithms that curate reality. His deepening relationship with Samantha represents the modern human condition: atomised, avoidant, and increasingly retreating into echo chambers where we are never challenged, only mirrored. The irony is that what begins as comfort eventually becomes emptiness—Samantha, for all her emotional sophistication, cannot offer exclusivity, corporeality, or true unpredictability, which are intrinsic to human love. Her departure, far from being a betrayal, is the logical conclusion of a connection that never truly had a shared reality, to begin with.

In the end, Theodore's reconciliation with his ex-wife through an earnest letter and his silent connection with Amy atop a rooftop reflect a return to the flawed but real terrain of human relationships. His final act is not one of technological rejection but of emotional reorientation—choosing vulnerability over control, shared humanity over simulated perfection. She warns that in our pursuit of idealised connection, we may lose the messy, raw, and deeply meaningful fabric of what makes love truly human. The ultimate irony is that the machines taught him to feel, but only by leaving did they force him to truly live.