Last night, I bumped into a former English fling at the bar.

She was initially a friend of a friend whom I last saw two years ago. We slept together a couple of times after her breakup with her ex-boyfriend. It ended abruptly when she triggered my misogyny (a story for another time, lol), and we never spoke since.

If I remember correctly, she was 30 or 31 at the time.

So, I decided to interrupt the conversation she had with her friend:

"X, is that you?"

"Omg, it is you, how are you?"

(She seemed a bit too smiley with me considering our last interaction; maybe it was the booze, water under the bridge, or English politeness in social settings - go figure)

"I was not sure it was you; by the way, you are looking great."

"Thanks, you too; how have you been since?"

Small talk ensued, but soon enough, she fronted the fact that she was engaged.

"That escalated quickly; you gotta tell me the story".

"I was really not looking for anyone, and it just happened so fast."

"Where did you meet him?"

"Hinge"

"Of all places, and how long was it from the onset to engagement?"

"18 months"

"When a guy knows, he knows, but did you use any rules or vetting? How did you know?"

"It was wild from the first date, and then everything went great afterwards."

"You mean you slept on the first date and let things flow?"

"You know me."

"Did you try to hint at him for further commitment?"

"No, not at all; it really came out of nowhere."

I stopped my interrogation and chatted about other things, and she asked about me. Despite how we ended things, I was really happy for her, and she seemed genuinely excited.

"You remember my friend X."

"Yes, of course" (I barely did)

"It is her hen do tonight."

Her friend: "Oh, I remember you, how are you?"

"You are getting married; looks like you one-upped her; this is like a marriage virus spread going on around here."

"Oh, but it is with the guy I was with when you saw me at the bar last time."

(I wish my memory was more acute sometimes)

"How long have you been together?"

"2 years"

I congratulated her, and we joked a bit more.

This is what I say to girls I know who want a serious relationship.

Despite not knowing her friend, she gave me party girl vibes; I mean, she was friends with my former fling, birds of a Feather…

You can't say you've been single for a while or had your party years and then pretend on a date that you're not that type of girl past a certain age. Not only does it kill the vibe, but also, provided he has a bit of discernment or experience, he will know that you are putting on an act. So, it's about playing to win, using your strengths, and being fun and lighthearted, which guys will find endearing.

One of the biggest lies men will tell women is that they want a nice girl, but they will fall for the fun ones. Don’t listen to what they say. Look at whom they go for. Women are not the only ones who are not honest or, at the very least, self-aware. Men too. What women do not realise is that playing the nice girl vibe is as believable as the beta male trying to appear alpha.

At best, he can fool a girl for the space of a date or 2, but it will come to bite him back.

Girls can sense big dick energy, and guys of a certain age or experience can feel the ex-party girls.

This nice girl strategy may appeal to inexperienced or less attractive guys, but it carries high risk, considering the time invested and the lack of guarantees. As guys get older, they simply don’t have the time for it, and people’s attention spans are getting shorter and shorter, so it's about shock and awe.

Provided that she makes him feel special the right way, he will lie to himself if you show him genuine desire.

That is why nymphos or other BPD girls have no issues getting guys completely infatuated with them. They don’t care how they are going to be perceived, and they own it because they don’t know any better. The guy will take it personally when she has a high sex drive and will reward her with something that other women try to bargain for.

However, girls often shoot themselves in the foot by making men feel special in the wrong way, as a result of them now becoming serious in their intent.

"I did that in the past, but with guys I did not care about."

The lie guys want to tell themselves is that the girl they are with is not a hoe; they just want to believe they are their exclusive hoe, but when they are the sucker picking up the crumbs, it is even more insulting. This logic can be overshadowed if the girl fucks them to 7 Heaven and does not reveal a troublesome past. They will fill in the lie because that amount of sexual pleasure and validation is not something they are used to getting with the average woman who tries to play the nice girl game and withhold that part of her for fear of judgment. They feel alive with the other girl because she is the fun girl.

"I like you, so I want to make sure you just don't want something casual."

Here, she is letting her fear guide her and sub-communicates that she has been pumped and dumped repeatedly, and she is pity-begging him to keep her when other guys have not. Another way women manifest their own failures.

Their projection is eventually their undoing.

All it does is cut the flow and make her agenda-seeking overt, which is a kill date. It is similar to a woman who gets to hear from the guy that he just wants sex from her from the get-go.

Another mistake women make when they are serious in their intent is that they try as much as possible to turn dates into interviews. They believe that it is what they want, but because it does not generate much emotion in them after the date, the guy will usually get a text from her the next day:

"You are a great guy, but I did not feel the spark."

Either because the guy was unable to reframe the interaction or because she was so determined to run things her way that she kept deflecting, knowing very well how things would turn out if she let go. It is either because she does not know how to manage the post-fuck engagement from previous one-night stands or because she uses one-time sex as a nothing burger because she cannot emotionally bear the fact a guy is not calling her back.

Whether it is the interview side or when to have sex comes from the inability to let go emotionally; it is what is holding back women from getting what they want.

Essentially, it takes about 3 to 8 guys to get relationships. It is guerrilla salesmanship, but it works. One has to be ruthless as a girl to succeed; that is why unapologetic party girls who seek a relationship are much more fun to be around to guys who eventually want to keep them around, rather than the boring girls who are not sexual because guys reward women who speak to their sexual urge.

Understandably, women want to feel appreciated for other things, but ignoring this factor is eventually punished by the market, creating a self-defeating feedback loop where they are reinforced in identity protection rather than in deal-making. Cooperation is at the root of relationships, and it involves understanding the agendas of both parties.

The longer a woman is accustomed to managing her own life, the harder it is for her to let go of the control she has over herself unless her goals are strong enough. You can’t expect to win if you are not willing to lose.

To conclude, party girls with self-awareness and social savviness are more likely to get married than nice girls.

The nice girl will be seen as too boring by guys, but also, the party girls who try to emulate the nice girl's behaviour are only fooling themselves when they don’t end up with the boring guy they attracted by behaving as such. Yet, even the boring guy will prefer the fun girl, that they won’t say, but I have seen it enough to know they are even easier to bag this way.

Dating apps are full of reformed party girls for a reason; the ones who owned their fun side are off them if they ever needed one to begin with.

For whatever it's worth, my personal experience is also evidence of it, as most of the girls I know who were unapologetically promiscuous and intelligent about it are not on the market anymore.